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A week has gone by since my close encounter of the sex kind. Yet again I wake in the degrading unfamiliarity of a bed I don’t own. I’m in nothing more than my plaid red boxers, don’t ask, I’ll just say it was laundry day. Dee and I are staying with her ex for a little while, hopefully just a little while. They are back together at the moment but who knows how long this stretch is going to last especially when I realize that it’s Dee who is keeping company next to me.

I lay here half naked looking up at the ceiling counting the faces in the bumpy half ass plaster job. The faces that appear to me have the look afflicted with a crampy kind of malaise.

My head turns left towards Dee. Her breathing labored in an endearing sense with her barely audible whistle snores. I think of how I’m not even the slightest bit uneasy with my nakedness and laying as close as I am beside her. She however is fully clothed, shoes on. One shoe half way and starting to slip from her heel. She has a noticeable hole in the heel of her sock. The sock tattered indicating it’s longevity has expired or at least screaming while it goes down with the ashes.

Many find it strange and many don’t even believe we have never had sex. We have had a couple moments where it may have come close but that is it. There was the one time we got baked out at a hippy forest fair where you could practically buy the homemade soap and patchouli oil in bulk, all tie dye on sale. We found ourselves finishing off the last of a bowl in a broken down ancient chevy behind one of the vendors tents. She was scraping the bowl with a definite plan and vigor. I swore while she was doing it I saw the bowl crack open in her hand, sensing a fear that our last option of smoking today may be finished. We had nothing to Macgyver a pipe out of, not even an empty can. However the alternative of licking the damn bowl did cross my mind.

After we had achieved in getting every last bit of the bitter and harsh smokey candy, we both just stared into each other. There was a moment between us where we assumed the other might start some sort of incoherent dialogue. At the point though when we realized our brain had numbed out, speech and thought delayed, we just grabbed for each other. We kissed deeply, almost too deep, if there is even a too deep. Our tongues seeking each other, there was a moment at passion that needed to be found. I remember it being sloppy. Not sloppy in a bad way, well maybe, cause it is embarrassing to think of now. At that moment however, feeling something that scared the hell out of me, it felt forced with an obligation. An obligation to the lesbian masses to engage in a tell all “incestious” relationship. We realized the magnitude of our situation. As fast as it had started it stopped. We looked at each other and just laughed. It had been a while since either of us had laughed like that. That hard ab work out kind of laugh. So hard, any remnants of spit and drool I had left ended up on the volume knob and cassette player of the dash board, Dee pissed her pants.

I lay here now, half naked, Dee by my side and I am very aware of the metaphor of our present situation and our relationship. I stop myself from laughing out loud. I can smell the lingering stench of booze emanating from her body. She’ll be hung over and I do not want to wake that beast. I hear footsteps with a short gait drop with a thud and purpose toward the room. The steps so heavy I can practically hear the wood flooring splinter underneath. Fuck, I know it’s her girlfriend, all of ninety pounds and five feet of her. I imagine her mutating from her small frame into hells worst atrocity in physical form. Her cloven hooves stop outside the door. I can see the flames from her hairy gaping nostrils penetrate it. She barrels in with such a ferocity she takes the door off the hinges. At the same time Dee and I bolt out of any happy slumber we may have shared.

I was startled but find it unnerving when Dee threw herself on me. Her head buried into my shoulder, her arms around me shaking like loose snow in a blizzard. A feeling I have not felt for a long while, one I had learned to deep breath away festered within me. Dee feared nothing and nobody. Her ex, Ginger, let’s out a scream that can only be described as having the pitch of the devils minions ascending from hell. Her eyes had a blackness, emptiness behind them, death looking right into us. Her body was tense. Rigid muscle seemed to appear upon her tiny frame. One of her grotesquely mutated arms raised, the other by her side clenched with such intensity her knuckles turn white.

The only words she uttered from her cracked snarled mouth, ” you fucking cunt!” The echo deafening.

I looked down at Dee. Her head still in my shoulder, she turned into the sunlight peering through the bent metal blinds in the window. I saw the fresh scrape and bruise that adorned the fleshy bone around her right eye. It muffled the inner peace of beauty and innocence I always saw in her.

At that moment the pacifist in me took a vacation, crimson bled into my eyes.

Manic Expose Chapter 3

LGBTQ Nation

American Civil Liberties Union

National Domestic Violence Hotline



About PJ Secluded

Introspective writer working on first manuscript. Writer of original series, poems, musings of sorts and the occasional manic prose. My main blog is an original series seen through the eyes of the lesbian protagonist Burgess. With her brood of studs, they conquer fear and tragedy, embracing love and the experiences between close friends. I have been writing for just a little while now and found a true passion for it. I want to help others through my writing discussing sensitive issues that affect the LGBTQ community in a unique fashion


Burgess and the Brood, gender, Lgbtq, women


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