dtjstjrstjsI, in no way, consider Aiyana to be anywhere close to “Coyote ugly” but I am more than prepared to chew my own arm off to keep from waking her. Last thing I need is the whole, “Where we going?” crap. It is inevitable but I will delay it as long as I can. I think I may just be able to roll her off my arm. Done. Carefully but quickly I don my apparel and exit the bedroom without even a word or a peck on the forehead. I’m doing that quite a bit lately. I did do this to myself. It is what I wanted.

“Aw, fuck!” I cover my mouth quickly hoping beyond all that is holy that I did not wake her. “Fucking end table.”

Ok, time to employ “Mission Impossible” stealth and jet the hell out of here. Slowly, faster, faster, breathe. I rest my back against the door outside of her apartment. I relish my triumph for a brief moment, the crowd cheers. I can hear the door knob rattle in my memory of last night. God, she is sexy. The walk home should be fun. This time of morning all of those that are awake will know exactly how my night went. Fuck it, what they think is really not my problem anyway. As I step outside onto the concrete steps my head begins to pound at the temples and the morning light stings my eyes. I can feel my eyes begin to water as I lower my head away from the sun.

“Hey dyke!”

I’m not even sure I just heard what I did and I definitely don’t want to find out. I didn’t see the two douche bags behind me during my spell of temporary blindness. Just keep walking Pat.

“Hey, fucking dyke! I know you fucking heard me bitch!”

Just keep walking Pat. I can feel my hands begin to sweat and can feel the thumping of my heart within my ears. One stands in front of me, one stands behind. I don’t even know if I am breathing. Everything has stopped. There is no noise. Everything stands still, suspended in a moment. The only solace, an outside world where the hands of a clock still tick along and a future survives.

“You gotta a light?”

“No, sorry man.” Noticing their cigarettes already lit, I know this may get bad. I step to the right, their bodies follow. I step to the left, their bodies follow. Everything seems to blur. They stand in darkness, shadows have become of them, their eyes even more black. I feel the other approach me from behind. Before I can even begin to turn around to face him, I can feel him against my back. His arms have pinned mine down to the side. Nothing escapes me, no breath. The other has pushed his hand against my mouth tight. Any air to escape is muffled.

I scream, I scream loud inside my mind. No, no, no, no, no! I am the only one who can hear me. My yells deafening inside. I can feel his calloused hands against my skin under my shirt. He touches the part of a femininity I’ve always bound against the feelings that waged a war inside. I no longer exist, I detach myself from the living. 

His nails scrape against her thighs has he pulls her pants down to her ankles. In this macabre moment, fast thoughts but a slow motion, on the ground she finds herself.

One of the men holds her shoulders down, the other has thrown one of her shoes off to the side. Her pants crumpled around her, the man on top breathes a sinister stench upon her neck as he attempts to lay his mouth upon her. She fights, fights, fights. Panicked, the yells still will not come. Panicked, her eyes stare off into the distance, a place far from here. The man’s foul scent upon her skin, he grabs at the part of the woman she’s never really come to know.

Barely awake, time begins to take back power. She bleeds, her tears stain the concrete.

The ghost watches from above.

Manic Expose Vol. 3 Chapter 3

National Sexual Assault Online Hotline

About PJ Secluded

Introspective writer working on first manuscript. Writer of original series, poems, musings of sorts and the occasional manic prose. My main blog is an original series seen through the eyes of the lesbian protagonist Burgess. With her brood of studs, they conquer fear and tragedy, embracing love and the experiences between close friends. I have been writing for just a little while now and found a true passion for it. I want to help others through my writing discussing sensitive issues that affect the LGBTQ community in a unique fashion




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