March 13, 2016

My First Love

image1 (3)From the first time the baby blue of my eyes gazed longingly in the sea of emerald with your own, I knew you would be my first.

From the first breath I shared with you in awe of the flaxen red of your hair, I knew I was yours forever.

In the softness of your touch I knew you had loved me before the thought of me, in love with the wait for me.

In the years we found together I would touch you in the middle of the night just to feel your pulse and the rhythm of your breath.There were times of loving embraces and times that brought about scars.In all those years you walked beside me.My witness in love and life as I was yours.

My thoughts remember the time I had left.My intentions never to return.In those moments I had given up on the thought of me nd thought you were burdened of such. As the days passed into weeks my mind was full of your own thoughts,my heart full of your love and my breath in longing of your own.

You were there, waiting patiently within my selfishness. Never giving up you sat there and gave me that smile.In all the hate of myself in that moment.I knew how much you had stood with me in all my pain,and in every tear.

In the moment we separated in my quest to find something else, something better, a new place, you continued to call. In all the pain I had caused, you found solace still in my voice.We were never really over and would never ever be done. In every effort I tried to return but found myself staying from you.The calls began to come less and my life began to grow busier.

Not once in the minutes of every day did I forget your strength, your touch, or even your true love of me. In the bright of the day when I finally returned and gave up the notions of anything better than you, I thought it would be forever.We were one again.With the same laugh,we joked again. In the same tears we held each other again.In the night I would still wake in thought of you.Then you left me.

In my abandonment I felt guilt. In my suffering I began to empathize with how I left you.Thousands of miles would come between us.In all of this I gave up once again as you lived on in patience and in undying love of my return. Days became months and those became years. As the clock ticked away,life stirred like molasses in my memory of you.

Then there came the time that I kissed you upon the warmth of your cheek and held the still of your hand. I watched your eyes gently close as the beeps inside your room began to fade. I felt your soul glide through me and leave me full.As I then placed my hand to rest upon your chest, you took that last breath. In a new ethereal place, you would walk.

In that moment I felt an honor in sharing it with you. As with my first breath you held me,there as I was to hold you for your last.Forever Mama in my heart I will hold, forever in the songs I sing you are my melody, and forever you will be my first love.



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About PJ Secluded

Introspective writer working on first manuscript. Writer of original series, poems, musings of sorts and the occasional manic prose. My main blog is an original series seen through the eyes of the lesbian protagonist Burgess. With her brood of studs, they conquer fear and tragedy, embracing love and the experiences between close friends. I have been writing for just a little while now and found a true passion for it. I want to help others through my writing discussing sensitive issues that affect the LGBTQ community in a unique fashion


Lgbtq, Poetry, Uncategorized


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