OK Burge, you made it down here. Like the cop said, they won’t be able to see you. Like that matters if they know they are here on suspicion of raping me then they already know who I am. Shit, I should ask him why they are here and well really if they know why they are here. My mind is so fucked up. I would ask to myself what is wrong with me. I’ve realized though, do I really want to know the answer to that? So lately I will talk to myself without trying to consciously be aware of the depths of my subjects. That way I don’t analyze every goddamn thing. The good from it is the challenge. And god knows I love a challenge especially one that can make me forget everything. I would rather play this game of distraction than go back to the very bad choices that had gotten me here in the first place. You are victim blaming yourself! Ok, Ok, I know. See, a challenge.

“Ms. Burgess, are you ready?”

Don’t forget to ask.

“Um, they don’t know they are here for raping me, do they?”

“No, not at all. They think they’re here for something else.”

“Then, I guess I’m ready.”

“Ok, follow me please.”

Sir yes sir.

 I follow Sergeant Mann down a short hallway. We come to a door on the left and he escorts me in. No matter why I am here, I always have this worry that cops are just looking for something to bust me on and this is all just a ruse to arrest me on some bullshit charge. Even after I know I haven’t done anything. Sergeant Mann asks me to wait a moment. After a minute or two comes the time to maybe look those pieces of shit humans in the eyes. Jesus Christ even if they can’t see me I don’t know if I want to see them. I know I don’t want to see them. My god! How blue his eyes were. I begin to panic and even though Sergeant Mann is behind me he can tell because my breaths become heavy and my back shows the stress of them.

“Do you want some water, or another minute?”

You have got to do this. You have got to. What if these guys have done it before or what if you could stop them from doing it again? Ok, it might not even be them. It’s them. Remember, you like a good challenge.

 “I’m good, I’m good. Can we just get it done?”

He turns on the light in the other room.

 I can feel my heartbeat everywhere. Its pulsing through my eyes, my neck. I can even feel it in my fingertips and toes. I start from the left of the line and slowly look my way over. Those damn blue eyes. Those fucking blues eyes. I’m not ready­, I—

The last thing I remember before hitting this fucking cement, those eyes. I saw them I know I saw them. Ice, ice like damn steel. Blue like the bottoms of glaciers. Innocent eyes among strangers with edges from demons dancing on the inside looking for the vulnerable.

“You ok?”

Sergeant Mann is helping me up from the fall. Fall? Embarrassing fainting spell more like it. I instinctively grab my ass on the tail bone. It still hurts even after six years from breaking it during a full on burn out slip on pavement. Man, right on the tailbone. I laid curled up in the street for a few minutes after I fell because the break of my tail bone shot the hottest burn of knives up my spine. I was around friends and it took the wind out of me to not cry. And it literally did take the wind out of me. The Sergeant and the other two officers just look at me with head tilts and crunched brows as shows of worry. I guess they really could be worried but my few times getting handled by cops makes it real hard to trust them. That’s the least of my worries right now. Plus, I don’t want to work on trust issue crap right now either.

“I’m ok, thanks.”

“We need to ask you, do you think you saw them? We could wait again for a bit if you needed to take another look?”

God, what if something bad happens from me saying what needs to be said to these cops? I don’t know anything about these guys, and wish I knew not one fucking thing about them. Knowing them and not knowing them is bad all around. What’s it gonna be Burge?

 Across town Dee is busy wiping up a table of the asshole couple that had just left. Without leaving even a tip and even spilling shit everywhere. Creamer mixed with sugar beachy over most of the table. Trash fucking everywhere. Dee hates that she has to work the shitty job but like Burge they like their distractions. She feels shitty for one that douchebags constantly treat her like shit at this job. Even one of them one time calling her sugar tits after he told her to pick up the table.

Your fucking job princess.

 Dee sees douchebags everywhere why would this be different? As Dee turns to head back to the kitchen Twat walks in. Dee instinctively turns and sees that Twat does not look like their chipper self. Well, Twat is never chipper but Dee knows what her bitchy chipper is like and right now Twat was in agony. Dee quickly puts down the tray on the side counter and walks hastily over to where Twat is standing.

“Dude, you ok?”

Twats eyes begin to well with tears. They begin to pool on the bottom edges and Dee can practically see her reflection in them. A little bit of snot begins to peak out from Twats nose and their shoulders begin to heave like what happens right before the ugly crying sobs come racing out of you. Dee quickly wraps her arms around Twat.

“Whatever it is, I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m gonna be off in about 10 minutes if you can hold out that long?”

Twat simply nods, head lowered, inhales of snot and wiping of tears as they turn to go find a booth near the back.

“So, man, what’s up?”

Dee can see that Twat is fighting back shit.

“You can tell me man. You can also cry if you need to. Sometimes we need to cry.”

“Well, Debs leaving me.”

“What the hell? Really? I mean, damn. Um, what happened?”

“Well— “

“Did she fucking cheat on you?”

“Why would you think that? What because she is bi?”

“No, no. Twat, never. I asked because that is what would get me so hard like something has clearly got you.”

“It’s not her man. It’s me. I’m the one who fucked up. Like I fucking always do.”

“Did you cheat on her?”

Twats answer comes very slow. Dee already knows the answer.

“Yeah, I fucking did.”

“My god, why?”

“We got into some shitty fight. She was upset about all of this bullshit that’s going on in the world. She went on this whole granola kumbaya bit and I kind of like laughed at her and it looked like I blew her off, blew her feelings off. That’s not at all what I was doing. I think she just wanted to be all pissy for no reason. So, I took off and got loaded at Jeffrey’s and well, that professor ex of mine was there.”

“One, Twat she’s not a damn ex, she is a fuck buddy. Two, why would you just be an ass like that? From the few things, you’ve told me about Deb she sounds very passionate with that stuff. And she also sounded really cool until I guess you fucked that up.”

“Fuck you Dee! She is just at fault with this. It takes two— “

“No! You don’t get to use that bullshit cop out of its about two. Really? You just sat here and told me you cheated on her and you explained your lame ass excuse. You’re the one fucking crying cause really you know you’re the one who screwed up but then you’re gonna still blame her? I don’t blame her if she dumps you!”

“Fuck you Dee!”

Dee watches Twat storm out even swinging the door open so hard the shop shudders slightly. Dee thinks what the hell must have happened to them? Why the hell did I blow up at Twat like that? Yeah, I would have told her either way she fucked something good up but I wouldn’t have said it like that. I was so angry.

Lately Dee has been angry about everything. Dee going through what she is, Twat having to deal with their own shit, Burge, well, whatever with Burge. Dee missed Burgess more than anything. Losing her would sting for quite some time, maybe even forever. A thick wound that opens and bleeds from time to time. That’s how every day felt to Dee. She hates that the Brood has broken up.

We’ve broken up. We are really all on our own.  




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About PJ Secluded

Introspective writer working on first manuscript. Writer of original series, poems, musings of sorts and the occasional manic prose. My main blog is an original series seen through the eyes of the lesbian protagonist Burgess. With her brood of studs, they conquer fear and tragedy, embracing love and the experiences between close friends. I have been writing for just a little while now and found a true passion for it. I want to help others through my writing discussing sensitive issues that affect the LGBTQ community in a unique fashion