“Hi!” The Starbucks girl is peachy enough, Barb immediately notices. Flushed cheeks to go along with an obvious pep. Barb is usually not accustomed to such niceties.
“Um, jeez, I usually get the same thing but kinda feel like mixing it up today.” Barb smirks a bit at the barista and squints with a mission toward the menu.
Caramel macchiato or white chocolate mocha? Barb plays eeny, meeny, miny, moe in her head. She begins to feel one of her raucous burps working its way up from the deepest parts of her gut. She should probably hold this one in. She is never quite sure if she can trust the damn things. Many times, she has ended up with barf all over the front of her shirt. Its pretty embarrassing at work running to the bathroom with chunks of breakfast adorning the mornings failed attempt at business casual. The Starbucks girl waits patiently but with a little bit of an uncomfortable stance. Barb clenches her mouth shut. Her cheeks puff up as she holds it in. The poor coffee girl behind the register cocks one eyebrow up slightly with a hint of confusion and disgust towards Barb.
Barb just wants to pretend it didn’t happen but not before glancing over to the male barista in black skinny jeans. She wants to make sure not everyone saw it. The look on his face indicates he didn’t miss a damn thing. Barb has been through this before. A second of embarrassment for her and she’ll just move on.
“Um, sorry. Could I get— “
Barb feels another one bubbling up. She wonders quickly what the hell she must have eaten for lunch. She tries to gulp the belch down with a quick swallow.
“A caramel— “
Her efforts to hold the burp in fail. With her cheeks puffed out once again, the force of the belch is much stronger than the first, forcing her lips to part. She instinctually blows the expended gas away from her. A whiff of garlic fettucine and expired chicken breast hit the barista like a slap to the face.
“Man, that was a chunky one. Nothing like a second lunch, uh?” Barb tries to move past the moment with her grotesque sense of humor. It’s never welcomed from the victims that fall prey to her T.M.I. punchlines.
The Starbucks girl has turned as green as the mermaid symbol on the cups. Barb attempts her order once more, but yet again, just more obnoxious gas. She blows the odor of stale lunch and hot garbage all over the Starbucks staff and patrons with sadistic flair. A service dog pisses all over the floor and whimpers. Before Barb can even begin to struggle in one last effort at an order, the baristas are shoving a complimentary coffee into her hand and reluctantly wishing her a nice day.
Barb, begins to display an evil grin of sorts. She wipes her mouth and licks her lips, she knows she’ll be returning there for free coffee again. That wasn’t even her best work. Barbs bucket list of places to get temporarily kicked out of is never ending.
© PJ Secluded, 2018.
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